The Thing (2011) Review

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The original was best known as the Howard Hawks fluke that featured future Gunsmoke star James Arness as a killer carrot from outer space. A few decades later, John Carpenter revisited the material and, along with the brilliant work of F/X wizard Rob Bottin, turned it into one of the greatest Grand Guignol geek shows ever. So naturally Hollywood can't leave well enough alone, but instead of going the remake route, they've decided to highlight how The Thing and its shapeshifting splatter came to visit itself upon Kurt Russell and his rogue's gallery of South Pole suspects. This new film, also called The Thing, is therefore one of those dreaded "prequels," an attempt to tie back to the source without totally ruining the ride for everyone. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., the newcomer behind the lens, almost pulls it off. Sadly, the lack of a solid script -- and any significant scares -- does him in.

A Norwegian expedition in Antarctica literally crashes into the discovery of a lifetime -- the intact remains of an alien spaceship...and something extraterrestrial frozen in the ice a few yards away. The scientist in charge, Dr. Sander Halversen (Ulrich Thomsen) needs help and recruits American paleontologist Dr. Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) to join him at the South Pole, hoping her expertise will provide some insight into the ice-bound item. 
Upon arrival, she meets up with helicopter pilots -- and fellow Yanks --  Sam Carter (Joel Edgerton) and Derek Jameson (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) as well as several members of the foreign crew. Initially, the find is carted back to camp and prepared for transport. But when it suddenly breaks free and starts killing people, our heroine uncovers something disconcerting. This "thing" is capable of assimilating its prey and replicating it perfectly...and it plans on taking said power to somewhere more "civilized."

Like the old saying "he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day," this new take on The Thing knows it cannot compete with the legacy that precedes it. Indeed, instead of striving to bring something new to the horror movie mythos, it simply delivers its derivative goods and then slinks off, hoping those who paid attention won't notice its lack of novelty. This is really the Carpenter classic jerryrigged with some obvious CGI and a whole lot of stalling. Where the original threw us directly into the menacing make-up madness of Bottin's creature work, this version tries to give us backstory. The numerous members of the Norwegian victim pool are labored over, personalities and possible motives measured out where genuine frights should exist. By the time the personnel are dying and the evil ET is transmogrifying, we're tired of the attempt. 

Indeed, what Carpenter did brilliantly was let the character come out during the horror, not before. Heijningen Jr. has a good eye and a nice way with action. He also delivers on the crazy fiend set-pieces. But before the suspense is really tweaked, things take a turn for the boring. We get one too many scenes of Ms. Winstead warning her colleagues about the potential perils, and Mr. Thomsen pooh-poohing her with patronizing paternal disrespect. It makes you wonder if he only hired her on to be an easily dismissed foil.  

Since it does deliver in the icky monster department, including numerous references to the eye-popping visuals that came before, The Thing manages to avoid total disaster. A lowered set of expectations will be required, however, lest you fall into its often dull diversions. While it could never match the brilliance of its forbearers, it finds a way to stand on its own...mostly.